So im here angry and I feel like a child.. I'm mad cause I feel I haven't gotten the attention I needed tonight.. And I feel that the gap between me and my boyfriend is getting wider.. There are many times again when im feeling that his online friends share more personal moments with him then I do now.. I know our relationship is coming to an end.. But now to be honest.. At times it feels like a slow peeling bandaid.. We've gotten most of it off.. But there's still that one small part still hanging on.. And won't come off..
I keep telling myself.. I shouldn't be mad or upset about it. So what if I come home and I see him on the computer in deep thought with his online friends.. So what if I tell him my day and all in response I get is a half listening ear.. I feel angry and hurt.. And I don't know who to talk to about it.. I feel casted off.. Unloved and unwanted.. Should I tell him to leave sooner then June? Am I just delaying the inedavble? Inside I want to cry.. But also lash out.. He emersies himself in games and Netflix s and hours apoun hours of coop play with his online friends.. Having countless moments.. While I feel left out in the Cold.. Working, jumping through hoops, worried about every dollar o spend on foods to keep him fed.. Dinner to plan so he can eat.. Make sure utilities are paid to keep him and the pets he wanted warm..
Now don't get me wrong.. I love our girls.. But they where brought in to keep him company while I worked.. Where I passed up valuable double shifts cause I wanted to spend time with him.. Just to have him tell me that he doesn't want to be with me..
Fine I'll admit it.. I fucked up.. I fell for someone and gave all of myself.. My heart.. My money.. My personal sacrifices.. I can't do this..
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