So I couldn't sleep.. So I decided to go to the gym for the first time in two months.. I worked out on the elliptical machine for about 40 minutes.. Burned about 300 calories.. Drank a bottle water.. And I didn't feel winded.. Do I feel better.. No.. I still hate myself.. Will that change over time.. Perhaps..
I'm trying... Im really trying to find some way to feel better about myself.. I feel ugly and undesirable.. So perhaps working out and losing weight might help.. Since I can't feel any physical intimacy at home.. Till he fixes himself.. I'm going to try and start focusing on what physical things I can do to feel satisfied.. And to be honest.. Jerking off isn't one of them.. I'm not happy doing that anymore.. Hell the a major plus for being in a relationship is that you don't have to do those anymore.. You've got someone to have fun with.. Since I'm screwed in that department..
I'm going to do it.. I'm going to focus on improving my body.. Focus all my sexual energy on working out. Perhaps in time.. I'll start to feel fulfilled..
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