I still feel empty inside

God what's wrong with me.. I still feel empty inside.. Why am I not happy... What can I do..... This is making me angry aswell as want to cry.... I want to feel happiness again...

Even this morning..It took me a while to ask him to hold me..and I thought maybe that would help...that would be the answer to what I was looking for..I wanted to be held..I wanted that intimacy, but it didn't work..my mind still raced with thoughts of how I hated myself..How I felt unattractive and unloved..how he just came to lay next to me..but still immersed in his phone. I lied and told him...I wasn't angry with him..I was mad that as always..he comes to bed so late..I got woken up..and couldn't fall back to sleep..

I hate it when he comes in ..says he's tiered..yet..he'll lay down but not sleep..he'll have his phone in bed..the back light glearing from his phone..keeping me awake...I just want us to sleep together again. but thats not happening. I'm angry at him..I'm angry that I'm in this position.  that I have to again rely on porn to get my needs meet. I'm truly sick and tiered of jerking off..I want sex..I want passion..I want to feel desired..

And because I'm not getting any of that..It's causing me to doubt my self..making me hate myself and think of myself as unlovable..that my only task now is working my ass off..to support him..and me..

I'm angry ...very angry...

I want to cry but I also want to break something..